Yesterday, I was sitting with a my hojicha, watching the autumn leaves drift past the window, while reflecting on Anne Godard’s poignant French novel,Nous aussi(Us Too).

In the book, Godard paints a picture of a close-knit Parisian family that operates almost entirely as a single entity, using the collective“On”or“Nous”(We). From the outside, their life looks idyllic, harmonious, and remarkably successful. They share every value, every milestone, and every standard of what a “good life” should be. But beneath that polished surface lies a quiet tragedy: because no one ever learned to speak as“Je”(I), none of them actually owns their choices, their achievements, or their definition of happiness.

It got me thinking about how easily we inherit our definitions ofsuccessfrom the collective “We”—from societal expectations, industry benchmarks, or family traditions—and mistake them for our own desires:

• The Trap of Borrowed Benchmarks:We often chase metrics of success—titles, income goals, public prestige, or rapid perfection—simply becauseeveryone around usis chasing them. It’s comforting to climb a ladder when others are climbing beside you, but it’s devastating to reach the top and realize it was leaning against the wrong wall.

• The Courage to Redefine Achievement:Shifting from“We are supposed to achieve this”to“I choose to build this”requires stepping away from the safety of the crowd. Real success often looks quieter, slower, and far more idiosyncratic than the collective playbook suggests.

• Failing on Your Own Terms vs. Succeeding on Someone Else’s:True creative and personal fulfillment isn’t about avoiding mistakes; it’s about making sure your victories (and your missteps) actually belong to you, rather than being mere reflections of group approval.

When we shift our perspective fromfitting into the group’s vision of successtocultivating a life that is authentically our own, every step forward becomes genuinely meaningful.

Something to Ponder 

Think about a goal or definition of success you are currently working toward. Is this something you genuinely desire from your own “I,” or is it a residual “We”—a standard inherited from family, peers, or social pressure?

A Small Challenge for This Week

To bring a touch of intentional clarity into your week, try a quick audit of your current goals:

1. Spot the Inherited Goal:Pick one project, milestone, or habit you’re striving for right now.

2. Apply the “I” Test:Ask yourself:“If no one else ever knew I accomplished this, would I still want to do it?”Reframe the goal around your personal values rather than external validation.

Until next week, keep it curious, keep it clear, and drink good tea.

With love and warmth,

Victoria