I'm Shy - How Can I Improve My Conversational Skills? | Tutor Maria Gayle's Column

Improving conversational skills is a mix of mindset, practice, and specific techniques. Here’s a focused guide to help you become a better conversationalist:

1. Focus on the Other Person

Listen actively: Pay close attention instead of thinking about what to say next.
Ask open-ended questions: These encourage fuller responses (e.g., “What do you like about your job?” instead of “Do you like your job?”).
Show genuine interest: People enjoy conversations where they feel heard and valued.

2. Practice the Art of Small Talk

Use the FORCE method for topics:
- Family
- Occupation
- Recreation
- Current events
- Environment (weather, location, surroundings)

Small talk often transitions into deeper conversation if you're relaxed and attentive.

3. Be Mindful of Body Language

Make appropriate eye contact (not staring).
Use open, relaxed posture.
Nod occasionally to show engagement.
Smile when appropriate — it makes you more approachable.

4. Improve Your Speaking Skills

Be clear and concise: Avoid rambling.
Use names: Remembering and using someone’s name helps personalize the interaction.
Match tone and pace: Mirroring the other person (subtly) builds rapport.

5. Handle Silences Gracefully

Don't panic if there's a pause.
Use it as a cue to:
- Reflect on what was just said.
- Shift the topic if needed.
- Ask a follow-up question.

6. Practice Regularly

Engage with people in low-pressure situations (e.g., barista, cashier, coworker).
Join clubs, language exchanges, public speaking groups, or 'nominications' with the boss and officemates, and express yourself.

7. Work on Confidence and Mindset

Silence the inner critic: Not every conversation has to be perfect.
Focus on connection, not performance.
Accept awkward moments — they happen to everyone.

These tips need practice sessions. Why don't you book a lesson with me so we could practice together with fun role plays? Hope to see you in class soon!

All the best ...
Maria Gayle