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Cafetalk Tutor's Column

Tutor Yoshinori 's Column

洋楽ブログ(24) Jordan Davis - Take It From Me

Feb 7, 2019 | 2 Comments

As you may (or may not) have already noticed, Cafetalk is now kind enough to offer teachers a Weekly Topic for Tutor Columns. I was very excited about it at first. But the problem ― although I love Cafetalk and don't mean to disrespect their effort ― is that all the suggested Weekly Topics so far have been too (  ) to my taste, including this week's Weekly Topic: "Valentine's Day is almost to arrive! Would you give a set of three words to describe your first-love? Tell us the meaning of each word and reason why you chose them!"

1) bland
2) boring
3) basic
4) meh

That is why I have been absent, and now my patience has run out. So here I am, after two long years of waiting in vain for an interesting topic to be presented. Since I'm not smart enough to think of any interesting topic by myself, I have come up with a (  ) one for my (most likely) last blog post of the Heisei era: "What is one thing you think Cafetalk can do to further improve itself?" (no more than 1,000 words)

1) bland
2) boring
3) basic
4) meh

First, I have to narrow it down to just "one" from the list of things below that I think Cafetalk can do:

●Outsource Weekly Topic ideas.
●Bring back the old dashboard that required fewer clicks to do certain tasks.
●Boldly ditch the 5-month point expiration policy, not only because it is only perceived as "unreasonable" by its users no matter how it can be justified, but also to positively differentiate Cafetalk from others who just adopt and stick to this typical "Company First" business practice.
●Explore other possible "outside of the box"-yet-still-relevant revenue sources so that it can evolve from an old-fashioned-Japanese-Showa-era-business-model-based platform where the company has to take a good portion of the teachers' earnings, to a more innovative, dream-cafe-style learning community where the teachers can lower their lesson fees and still keep more to themselves, the students in turn can take lessons for less, and still the company can continue to prosper and grow, a happy-happy-joy-joy win-win-win.
●Tidy up by taking a good look at Tutor Yoshinori's profile picture, making sure it doesn't spark any joy, cordially thanking him for his inaccurate, inappropriate and unsolicited opinions, and letting him go.
●Replace all of its staff members and teachers with AI robots.
●Create the "Cafetalk Song" and air TV ads using it.

Cafetalk is very important to me. I want Cafetalk to lead the global online lesson provider industry. So, which of the above do you think is the most crucial to Cafetalk's success and competitiveness for now and beyond? Yes, the Cafetalk Song! In fact, it's the only thing on the list that's doable anyway. All the others are just fantasies. "Dream cafe"? Dream on! Get rid of me? No way! The Cafetalk staff are too nice to do such a thing (unless they're already robots). Who can imagine them just throwing me out and leaving me homeless when I haven't even started saving for a Kondo in Florida to live in after Marie-tirement from Cafetalk?!

Sorry, I digress. So, about the Cafetalk Song. Most major companies have a commercial jingle. In Japan, even a job search website or a satellite TV channel has one. Cafetalk should, too. The song must be original, not a copy. And it must be simple, catchy, and hard to forget.

Speaking of forgetting, I almost forgot this post is supposed to be about the song "Take It From Me." It's a country song by American country singer Jordan Davis. The lyrics start with him inviting a girl he met at some after-party over to his place to stay the night. If he is her first love, I guess the three words she would choose to describe it would be "sweet," "plastic," and "convenience," for the following reasons. He then tells her that if she needs something, she can take it from him. For example, "Take it from me if you want a T-shirt to sleep in / It's my favorite but you can keep it," the song goes. How "sweet" of him! I guess she can use his dental floss, too. Isn't that romantic? What, no? It's "plastic"? Okay. I also guess if she needs to remove her unwanted hair, she can use his razor, too. And conversely, if she wants some extra unwanted hair, she can cut some of his ample beard and glue it anywhere she wants it on her body. But, what if she doesn't have scissors and glue? She can use his! Talk about "convenience"!

Anyway, I already have a lyrics idea for the Cafetalk Song. Here it is:

If you're happy and you know it, Cafetalk
If you're happy and you know it, Cafetalk
If you're happy and you know it, and you really wanna show it
If you're happy and you know it, Cafetalk

I wrote this all by myself, I swear. I typed every letter with my own fingers. No cheating. And I am planning to offer this original material to Cafetalk, with no charge. I have no intention of claiming any credit, copyright or responsibility. Cafetalk can just take it from me, just like Jordan Davis sings in the bridge:

You can steal a kiss
I won't call you a thief
But take it from me
What I got to give
You can have for free
Just take it from me

Except that unfortunately it's not a kiss that Cafetalk is getting from me.

One holdup, though. My idea package doesn't include any melody for the song yet. As anyone who has ever heard me singing during the lesson probably knows, I'm not melodically talented. So, I'm looking for someone who can compose music that perfectly fits the lyrics above, hopefully the kind of melody that will make everyone want to clap their... (ERROR: YOU HAVE EXCEEDED THE WORD LIMIT)

みなさん多分すでにご存知の(またはご存知でない)ように、カフェトークは今、親切にも先生方に講師コラム用の「今週のお題」を提供してくれています。ぼくは最初はそれにワクワクしていたんですが、問題は(ぼくはカフェトークが大好きだし、その努力に敬意を示さないつもりはないんですが)これまでに示されてきた「今週のお題」はすべて、ぼくの味覚にはあまりにも(  )ものなんです。今週の「今週のお題」も含めて→「バレンタイン間近!「三つの単語」だけで、あなたの初恋の思い出を表すとしたら、どんな言葉を選びますか?それぞれの単語の意味と、選んだ理由も教えてください!」

1) 無味乾燥な
2) つまらない
3) ありきたりの
4) 退屈な

それが原因でずっと不在だったんですが、もう我慢の限界。ということで、2年もの間、興味深いトピックが提示されるのを無駄に待つことを経て、今この場にいます。ただし、興味深いトピックを自分で思いつくほどぼくは賢くないので、(  )トピックを、ぼくの平成最後(の可能性大)のブログ用に考えました→「カフェトークをさらに良くするためにカフェトークができるとあなたが思うことの1つは何ですか?」(3,000字以内)

1) 無味乾燥な
2) つまらない
3) ありきたりの
4) 退屈な



カフェトークはぼくにとってとても大切なものです。ぼくはカフェトークに、全世界のオンラインレッスン提供業者業界の先頭を走って行ってほしいんです。ということで、カフェトークの今およびこの先の成功と競争力に最も重要だとみなさんが思うのは上のうちのどれでしょうか? そうです、カフェトークソングです! というか、そもそもそれしか上のリストの中で実行可能なものはないんです。他はすべて単なる空想・幻想・妄想。「ドリームカフェ」? 夢を見続けなさいっていう感じ。ぼくを処分? あり得ないです。カフェトークスタッフは非常に性格の良い方たちなので、そんなことできないです(すでにロボットであるとかでない限り)。彼らがぼくを捨てるなんてだれが想像できるでしょうか。カフェトーク退職後に住むためのフロリダのマンション購入用の貯金をまだ始めてもいないのにホームレスにされてもこんまります。


忘れると言えば、もう少しで忘れるところでしたが、今回のブログネタは「Take It From Me」(ぼくからそれを取っていって)という曲です。アメリカ人男性カントリーシンガーJordan Davis(ジョーダン・デイヴィス)のカントリーソングです。歌詞は、彼がどこかのアフターパーティーで出会った女性を、自分のうちに一晩泊まるよう誘うところから始まります。もし彼が彼女の初恋の相手だとすれば、それを表すのに彼女が選ぶであろう三つの単語は「甘い優しさ」「プラスチック」「便利」だと思います。理由は以下参照。彼はそのあと彼女に、もし何か必要なものがあれば、彼から取っていっていいと言います。例えば、「もし寝るのにTシャツが必要なら、ぼくからそれを取っていって/それはぼくのお気に入りだけど、君がそれを自分のものにしてくれていい」と曲は進みます。何という彼の「甘い優しさ」! ぼくが想像するには、彼女は彼の歯間ブラシも使っていいんだと思います。それってロマンチックですよね? えっ、違う? それは「プラスチック」? 了解。さらに想像すると、もし彼女がムダ毛を除去する必要がある場合、彼のかみそりを使ってもいいんだと思います。逆に、彼女がムダ毛を余計に欲しい場合は、彼のたっぷりあるあごひげをいくらか切って、それを彼女の体のどこでもお望みの部分にノリづけできるんだと思います。でも、もし彼女がハサミとノリを持っていなかったら? 彼のハサミとノリを使えます! 「便利」とはまさにこれのことですね!




You can steal a kiss (君はキスを盗んでくれていい)
I won't call you a thief (ぼくは君を泥棒とは呼ぶつもりはない)
But take it from me (でも、君はぼくからそれを取っていって)
What I got to give (ぼくが与えるために持っているものを)
You can have for free (君は無料で所有できる)
Just take it from me (単純にぼくからそれを取っていっちゃって)



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