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Conversation Problems, Solved with "why?" | Small Talk, Aizuchi, Keigo, Making Friends
You can speak Japanese. So why does the conversation stop?
We go back to where it stopped and redo it in 25 minutes.
Description
[About this lesson]
You can speak Japanese. You pass exams.
And yet the conversation stops.
how to use aizuchi.
Your keigo is so stiff that the distance never closes.
You cannot make Japanese friends.
Bring that problem in
exactly as it is.
[Why a conversation stops]
There is more than one reason.
The words you choose.
The habits in how you speak.
The relationship with the person.
The situation that day.
How you steer the conversation.
Which of these applies
depends on the person.
This lesson focuses on
the words you choose and the habits in how you speak.
I pick up the other elements as we go,
watching how you actually talk.
[The words you choose]
These are the five usual ways in.
- Ask a question that does not end in yes or no
- Add one thing of your own to what they said
- Put a short preamble before you change the topic
- Ask a question of your own as well
- Ask back when you do not follow
From these, we choose the one
closest to you.
I do not fit you into a pattern;
I watch your conversation and decide as we go.
If none of these is your case,
we look for another way in together.
[The habits in how you speak]
This is where people whose conversations
flow differ from those whose do not.
- Aizuchi
"hai", "ee", "sou nan desu ne"
Keep them short, at each break in what is said.
- Nodding
Nod almost at the same moment as the words.
Much of the aizuchi you say
is reported to come
together with a nod.
- Pauses
When they pause for breath, it is your turn.
If they still seem to be going on,
wait a little longer.
- Gaze
Do not hold it. Look away now and then.
There is research that Japanese people,
when looked at steadily,
tend to find the person hard to approach.
- Do not contradict
Before "but" or "no",
put one "you're right" or "I see".
- Say it indirectly
When you decline, do not start with the conclusion.
"It might be a little difficult"
gets it across.
- Silence
You do not have to fill it.
If you look as if you are thinking,
the conversation does not break off there.
[Habits change with practice]
Explaining it does not change how you speak.
In this lesson we redo it twice.
Round one. I speak.
You listen.
Watch only your aizuchi,
nodding and pauses.
Round two. We swap. I listen.
I watch how you answer what I say.
At the end, we settle on one thing to fix.
Try to fix everything at once and you will freeze up.
[Finally, one "why?"]
We take up one of these.
- Why they do not decline clearly
- Why they answer a question with a question
- Why they deny it when praised
- Why they keep a distance at a first meeting
- Why "mata kondo" never turns into a fixed plan
- Why a silence does not feel awkward to them
Take not declining clearly.
Answering a question with a question.
"Mata kondo" never becoming a plan.
What these three share
is not saying straight out what you think.
With a stranger, with someone they meet only once,
it is a tendency in Japanese speech
that leaves no bad feeling behind.
The other three have their own reasons.
You will hear them in the lesson.
This is the part I most want you to take home.
[How the 25 minutes runs]
0:00-0:03 Narrow it to one problem
0:03-0:07 Choose one way in
0:07-0:19 Redo it, watching the habits
0:19-0:22 One "why?"
0:22-0:25 Wrap-up / one thing to try next
[What you take away]
- One way in to your own problem
- One habit to check
- One or two ways of saying it to try
- One "why" point
[Who this is for]
Intermediate and above, as a guide.
You can hold a daily conversation,
but with Japanese people
it does not flow the way you expect.
[Materials]
I prepare the materials.
I share a one-page checklist
for speaking habits on screen.
There is nothing
for you to prepare.
Just keep one situation
you find hard in mind.
[Camera]
Camera on or off, whichever you prefer.
Audio only is fine too.
As this lesson looks at
speaking habits, though,
having the camera on lets us fix more.
[How this differs from my other lessons]
For the Japanese used at city offices, hospitals,
work, shops, schools and with neighbours:
"Living Japanese, understood through why?"
For talking about anime, music,
anything you like:
"Japanese free talk, with why?"
For interviews and job hunting:
"Interviews and job hunting, solved with why?"
This lesson is about
conversation itself.
[What this content rests on]
- Research on aizuchi and how it overlaps with words
- Research on contact between native speakers
and learners of Japanese
- Research on gaze and psychological distance
[If this is your first lesson]
Not being able to speak well
is often not a matter of Japanese ability.
Change one way of saying something,
and the other person's reaction changes.
It is all right to make mistakes.
We start by shaping what you say so it lands.
On top of that,
we also work seriously on speaking correctly and naturally.
More than perfect Japanese,
I value your willingness to understand Japanese people and culture.
That, I believe, is the shortest path
to learning Japanese.
This tutor's cancellation policy
Before request is confirmed (fixed)
- Cancellation possible at any time without charge.
After request is confirmed (fixed)
- More than 24 hours before lesson start time.→ Cancellation is possible at any time.
- Less than 24 hours before lesson start time.→ The tutor may take a cancellation fee.
-
No-Show→ The tutor may take a cancellation fee.
(Please check with the tutor for details.)
Lessons by this tutor
-
Living Japanese, understood through "why?" | City Offices, Hospitals, Work, Shopping, School, Neighbours
"I had the words. They never came out." We go back to that scene and redo it in 25 minutes.Japanese
25min 1,000PHas Trial
